Humor Quotes - Page 136

I think that the anti-Microsoft sentiment is simply due to their having been so successful selling a lot of crap.

I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday... unless there's a game on.

The best scary movies have great humor in them and a great story.

Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

It's certainly easy to mock some things ... Oddly enough though I've never found it easy to mock anything of value. Only things that are tawdry and fatuous - perhaps it's just me.

It is easy to forget that the most important aspect of comedy, after all, its great saving grace, is its ambiguity. You can simultaneously laugh at a situation, and take it seriously.

she doesn’t really have a sense of humor. I think she’d like to have one—it’s just that she doesn’t quite understand what jokes are for.

I want to do something challenging and I want to take risks, but above all, I want people to be entertained...Because the only way of talking about some issues sometimes is through humor.

Your generosity is more important than your perfection.

I get mail; therefore I am.

The devil is not, indeed, perfectly humorous, but that is only because he is the extreme of all humor.

Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.

A lawyer's dream of heaven: every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.

Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.

My doctors told me this morning my blood pressure is down so low that I can start reading the newspapers.

I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary.

I wanted to do an hour-long show, and I wanted to something that was dramatic and sometimes funny and humorous, as well. I'm just delighted to have this opportunity to be a part of this project.

The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!