Humor Quotes - Page 133

Wit is the lowest form of humor.

If one tends to be a humorous person and you have a sense of humor the rest of your life then you can certainly lighten the load, I think, by bringing that to your trials and tribulations. It's easy to have a sense of humor when everything is going well.

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.

You can teach taste, editorial sense, but the ability to say something funny is something I've never been able to teach anyone.

Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'

I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins.

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.

In brief, sir, study what you most affect.

He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself.

God help the patient.

Man is a slow, sloppy and brilliant thinker; the machine is fast, accurate and stupid.

Humor is wit and love.

I have never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. I've never had an affair with her.

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain.

The Democrats are going to change the name of the Hoover Dam. That is the silliest thing I ever heard of in politics . . . Lord if they feel that way about it, I don't see why they don't just reverse the two words.

I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and the reason I have been is because I have stayed an old country boy.

I have always noticed that people will never laugh at anything that is not based on truth.

There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket.

I read and learned and fretted more about Canada after I left than I ever did while I was home. I absorbed anything I could on topics that ranged from Folklore to history to political mainifestos... I ranted and raved and seethed about things beyond my control. In short I acted like a Canadian.