Humor Quotes - Page 132

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

The Christian church is a society of sinners. It is the only society in the world membership in which is based upon the single qualification that the candidate shall be unworthy of membership.

Jazz can be so serious, no sense of humor.

Cathy was the first widely syndicated humor strip created by a woman. The strip was pretty revolutionary at the time not only because it starred a female, but also because it was so emotionally honest about all the conflicting feelings many women had in 1976.

Mom. I have something to tell you. I’m undead. Now, I know you may have some preconceived notions about the undead. I know you may not be comfortable with the idea of me being undead. But I’m here to tell you that undead are just like you and me … well, okay. Possibly more like me than you.

It's not all about beauty! It's also about a sense of humor.

There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.

You sit back in the darkness, nursing your beer, breathing in that ineffable aroma of the old-time saloon: dark wood, spilled beer, good cigars, and ancient whiskey - the sacred incense of the drinking man.

Manage by responsibility.It is a powerful way to grow people.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy

Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker.

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.

When you tell an Iowan a joke, you can see a kind of race going on between his brain and his expression.

Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.

Colombian humor is very black, very sarcastic.

Individual rights are the means of subordinating society to moral law.

Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.

The reason why Absurdist plays take place in No Man's Land with only two characters is primarily financial.

Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.

It is the saying of an ancient sage that humor was the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor.

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

Laughter, and the broader category of humor, are key elements in helping us go on with our life after a loss.