Humor Quotes - Page 129

Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to prove it.

Propel, propel, propel your craft softly down liquid solution. Ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically, Existence is simply illusion.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."

A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again."

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.

Intolerance is the ''Do Not Touch'' sign on something that cannot bear touching. We do not mind having our hair ruffled, but we will not tolerate any familiarity with the toupee which covers our baldness.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.

I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.

The desire to express in an art form and to compose a tableau and vignette whether it's humorous, burlesque, or poetic comes simply from a desire to compose an image for cinema. It is not my fault that when I go to Ramallah there is a checkpoint and therefore it enters my film. Tell me a way to avoid that politicized image. The fact is that the police are everywhere, the army everywhere and occupation is total. Whether it's a love story or a thriller, you place the camera and these realities will cross the frame.

Feminist humor raises consciousness. And the reason it's funny is because it stands something on its head. Goodness knows you've got to have a sense of humor if you do feminism full-time, I tell you.

A reasonable amount of fleas is good for a dog; it keeps him from brooding over being a dog.