Humor Quotes - Page 127

A sense of humor always withers in the presence of the messianic delusion, like justice and the truth in front of patriotic passion.

Shave a gorilla and it would be almost impossible, at twenty paces, to distinguish him from a heavyweight champion of the world. Skin a chimpanzee, and it would take an autopsy to prove he was not a theologian.

God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue)

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

Go, and never darken my towels again

In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition to these two he's also having a fling with a fringe tootsie, both the wife and the mistress are outraged and the combination lover, husband, and cheat may well wind up with a large French bread knife between his ribs.

Never have children, only grandchildren.

Being seventy is not a sin. It's not a joy, either.

I really think that effective acting has to do literally with the movement of molecules.

Listen, Al Gore is a very tough opponent. He is the incumbent. He represents the incumbency. And a challenger is somebody who generally comes from the pack and wins, if you're going to win. And that's where I'm coming from.

Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican.

There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead.

I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating.

This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses.

I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well.

I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun.

Other Republican candidates may retort to personal attacks and negative ads.

Every nation in every region now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.

We ought to make the pie higher.

I'm hopeful. I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure.

The important question is, how many hands have I shaked?

We'll let our friends be the peacekeepers and the great country called America will be the pacemakers.