Funny Quotes - Page 398

Please assure me that you are all Republicans.

The little dictator who went to Moscow in his green fatigues to receive a bear hug did not forsake the doctrine of Lenin when he returned to the West and appeared in a two-piece suit. (On Daniel Ortega Saavedra)

I have a feeling that we are doing better in the war than the people have been told.

We were told four years ago that 17 million people went to bed hungry each night. Well that was probably true. They were all on a diet.

I know all the bad things that happened in that war. I was in uniform four years myself.

... the moral equal of our Founding Fathers.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The U.S. Geological Survey has told me that the proven potential for oil in Alaska alone is greater than the proven reserves in Saudi Arabia.

Coe has smashed the world record, 1:44.92 seconds has never been run easier

The Games have been decimated. If you take away the Eastern Bloc, you take away 50% of the medals

The American's head are on their chins a little bit at the moment

Steve Ovett, Sebastian Coe, Steve Cram - the vanguard of our cream

Cram nailed his colours to the mast and threw down the Great Pretender

Mary Decker Slaney, the world greatest front runner, I shouldn't be surprised to see her at the front

Bruce Sutter has been around for awhile and he's pretty old. He's thirty-five years old. That will give you some idea of how old he is.

I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press.

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!

I was a poster child... for birth control!

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.