Funny Quotes - Page 395

Love is a funny thing, isn't it? The presence of it can bring you to save a foe, the absence of it can make you hurt your own flesh.

This is the funny thing about Skype. No one is really looking into the camera. People always looking down because they're looking at the image. You wish the camera was there in the center.

Darling, when things go wrong in life, you lift your chin, put on a ravishing smile, mix yourself a little cocktail.

Ambition is a funny thing. You can completely screw yourself with it if you're not careful.

The British civil service ... is a beautifully designed and effective braking mechanism.

Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works.

G'bye, I'm going out to play!

Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.

I feel like Bill Walton - old and shitty.

I'll save that for Mrs. Battier.

#3 pencils and quadrille pads.

I was in high school when Will Ferrell was first on 'Saturday Night Live', and I remember thinking, 'Man, that guy is the funniest guy ever.'

I remember when I got my first Adam Sandler CD and it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my entire life, and continues to be.

Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.

That's the funny thing, she thought. You always want things to get better, but you never know how good you already have it.

As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.

Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more.

But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.

I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me as white.

I have a ton of Holocaust stuff, and some of it is really hard core.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.

I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.