Funny Quotes - Page 394

I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers.

'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun.

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

You really have got lots of issues! Yeah, of 'What Car Magazine'!

There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks ago I did see someone had drawn a lady's part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent.

Convoy? Michael, you're hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle.

Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady.

I'm 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me: Back of the net!

I woke with a start. At first I assumed I'd trumped myself awake again.

All those people who go around saying Life begins at forty, they're notable by their absence. The nerve.

It's arguably the best newspaper in the world.

That was liquid football

Sadly, I can't say the same for my Father, who is probably in a different place - Hell.

In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve.

Got my fungal foot powder? Ah, it's a lifesaver, you know. I'd effectively be disabled if it weren't for these.

That's the funny thing about knowing you can't have something. It makes you desperate.

I wish I could blame my failure on my integrity & refusal to play bullshit games. But the truth is I just play them really badly.

There is a strength of conviction that can only come from being 100% wrong.

I only lie for sex or money or to practice for when I need to lie for sex or money.

On this show, your voice will be heard in the form of my voice.

Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.

Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.

Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.

Patrick actually used to be popular before Sam bought him some good music.