Funny Quotes - Page 401

The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.

The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.

This person called up and said, You've got to come and take this seminar. It will completely change your life in just one weekend. And I said, Well, I don't want to completely change my life this weekend. I've got a lot of things to do on Monday.

I'm sure every pattern has been covered, but it's nice to think you might dwell on some that other people don't.

Thank you very Much, I enjoyed myself

This is a great day for France!

AT&T to wed T-Mobile. Following the ceremony there will be no reception.

The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.'

All New Years is to me is for taking down your dumb Christmas decorations. People who put up Christmas decorations, all they're saying is, 'Hey, we're not Jews.'

It's a funny thing because it's what the people say when they come across a ghost situation is that it does freak you out, but then you do get over it - for some reason you're not scared to come across it again.

It is not funny that a man should be killed, but it is sometimes funny that he should be killed for so little, and that his death should be the coin of what we call civilization.

Nothing like a little chest pain to restore your faith.

Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.

I want to hold onto this funny thing. God, it's gotten big on me. I don't know what it is. I'm so damned unhappy, I'm so mad, and I don't know why. I feel like I'm putting on weight. I feel fat. I feel like I'm saving a lot of things, and I don't know what. I might even start reading books.

These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I'm going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I'm going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I'll figure out how to do it.

We are too civil to books. For a few golden sentences we will turn over and actually read a volume of four or five hundred pages.

It's curtains for you, Mighty Mouse! This gun is so futuristic that even I don't know how it works!

I think things are funny when the character is taking it totally seriously.

I'm very silly as a person, but quality silliness on-screen has more of an art to it. Harrison Ford, whom I was in Morning Glory with, has mastered that dry funny better than anyone.

A funny thing about women and machines: the combination made men curious.

God, I needed you," he murmured. "I can't even tell you how many times I thought about this. The funny thing is, I don't need you any less now. I think I need you more." ~Shane~

The only thing that lasts longer than a friend's love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better.