Funny Quotes - Page 350

In at least one way we are atypical bloggers. That’s because we just keep on posting. The typical blogger, like most people who go on diets and budgets, quits after a few months, weeks, or in many cases, days.

There's Pam watching anxiously. She doesn't look anxious though.

As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness ribbon on an unwilling first-nighter.

I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

People will say you cannot get a job in a down economy. People will say you cannot get a job that you love that will pay you well. People will say you can’t do good and do well. They’re wrong, that’s idiotic advice. People will tell you that you cannot change the world. They’re wrong too.

I used to comb my hair back and do stupid stuff

If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify.

The Americans sowed the seed, and now they have reaped the whirlwind

I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not.

I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.

I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?

I would be loath to speak ill of any person who I do not know deserves it, but I am afraid he is an attorney.

A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.

We have that Indian scene. We can get the Indians from the reservoir.

I read part of it all the way through.

I've gone where the hand of man has never set foot.

The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV.

FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there's a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue.

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced

I like life. It's something to do.

And the mile once again becomes the focal point where it's always been

I don't hold water with that theory

To me personally, it's nothing personal to me