Funny Quotes - Page 352

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.

'Tis a superstition to insist on a special diet. All is made at last of the same chemical atoms.

I use filming as an excuse to take classes. I got my certification in sailing for 'Wedding Crashers,' and now I can handle a 26-foot boat. I played a seamstress once, so I took sewing classes. I love dipping into these other lives.

I felt like my vote was the vote that put [Obama] into office. It was down to one vote, and that was going to be my vote. And that may not be true, but that's how much power it felt like I had.

People should just be aware of how they are eating... yesterday I had a McDonald's breakfast and pizza too - but that's bad.

The gods throw the dice and they don't ask whether we want to be in the game or not.

The America's Cup is like driving your Lamborgini to the Gran Prix track to watch the charter buses race.

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.

I love Fidel Castro...I respect Fidel Castro. You know why? A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that motherfucker is still here.

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

It is only by not paying one's bills that one can hope to live in the memory of the commercial classes.

It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true.

There is more to be said for stupidity than people imagine. Personally I have a great admiration for stupidity. It is a sort of fellow-feeling, I suppose.

Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late'

I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny

Goth Juice... The most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.

Dear 338171 (May I call you 338?)

The Stately Homes of England, How beautiful they stand, To prove the Upper Classes, Have still the Upper Hand.

I have always sensed the exhilaration and independence of being self-propelled. Besides, you can jog while pushing a baby carriage. Maybe I'm a product of Wonder Woman comic books

Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki

Come, therefore, and let us fling mud at them!

I'm somebody who believes in funny things, and laughing, but I do like for them to come from a place that addresses the human condition.

Getting worried there might not be enough talent in America to acommodate all these singing shows.

The more developed your abs, the less time you've spent reading.