Funny Quotes - Page 328

Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day.

The funny thing is that some reviews are published in magazines and websites that are seen by millions of people, and other reviews are in very small publications or less popular websites, and you just have to be lucky to have the good reviews land in places where more people see them, and bad reviews land in places where they will be less seen.

At the end of my trial, I was rather hoping the judge would send me to Australia for the rest of my life.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

I was haunted by trainers going "Up, up, up, get up." You find yourself picking your head up and then realizing, They aren't talking to me.

For an occurrence to become an adventure, it is necessary and sufficient for one to recount it.

In an action film you act in the action. If it's a dramatic film you act in the drama.

Nothing more clearly shows how little God esteems his gift to men of wealth, money, position and other worldly goods, than the way he distributes these, and the sort of men who are most amply provided with them.

The court is like a palace of marble; it's composed of people very hard and very polished.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

Wasn't it thrilling when the U.S. Women's team took home the gold in gymnastics? A group of American teenagers getting a higher score than Chinese kids? That never happens.

Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men's soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer team, of course, returned home to their houses here in Los Angeles.

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

I am cursed with a right leg that arouses the desire of any male dog that happens to be passing. I used to think that this only happened to me but I've discovered that many people have the same problem. They have a femme fatale limb.

For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn?

Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?

I was seized by the stern hand of Compulsion, that dark, unreasonable Urge that impels women to clean house in the middle of the night.

The funny thing about me is I move from genre to genre, but I essentially shoot all the movies the same way.

But the funny thing is, I broke my finger not on set doing kung fu. I broke my finger when I fell down the stairs prior to going on set.

Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead?

Then there was the time in Hollywood when I sat down in a breakaway chair and it collapsed on me. I was nearly knocked out and might have been even more seriously hurt but my fall was broken by the smog.

We were ensconced as guests of the exclusive Beverly Hilton Hotel, an edifice so swank that the fire ax in the hall outside our suite said: "In case of fire-break crystal."

My advice to the unborn is, don't be born with a gambling instinct unless you have a good sense of probabilities.

I think back to some of the things Harry said and some of the things I said trying to be funny. If I said them now, it would be on the front page of every newspaper in the country.