Funny Quotes - Page 325

A footman may swear; but he cannot swear like a lord. He can swear as often: but can he swear with equal delicacy, propriety, and judgment?

Pray steal me not, I'm Mrs. Dingley's, Whose heart in this four-footed thing lies.

You've only got to be in public life for about a week before you start to question if the newspapers are even giving you today's date with any accuracy!

I've never got to the bottom of streaking

We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.

Well, the funny thing is, you are never the same person that you were the day before.

I played so bad, I got a get-well card from the IRS.

Be pleased to look forward, And pleased to look behind, Count today, your 40th, and each birthday With a grateful mind.

Man is a historical being : The realisations of the powers of human individuals living at any one time takes the cooperation of many generations (or even societies) over a long period of time. By contrast with humankind, every individual animal can and does do what for the most part it might do, or what any other of its kind might or can do that lives at the same time.

Sometimes I'll hear a certain approach that kinda cathes my ear, like „It's kinda cool what that guy's doing there", or maybe an effect that somebody's using, or a guitar sound, or something that kinda makes me open up. But the funny thing is i realise over time how sort of traditional i am.

Appeasement, said Winston Churchill, consists of being nice to a crocodile in the hope that he will eat you last. At the moment, the biggest crocodile in the world is Microsoft, and everybody is busy sucking up to it.

I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is.

The best feeling is watching a real football game, because the games they show in the movies aren't real.

In general, watching children's television is a dark and surreal descent into madness where the characters on the screen talk directly to you.

Books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.

It's impossible to ravish me, I'm so willing.

I figured out Karl Rove's political strategy -- make gas so expensive, no Democrats can afford to go to the polls.

It might be said now that I have the best of both worlds. A Harvard education and a Yale degree.

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon.

Successful crimes alone are justified.

The full area of ignorance is not mapped. We are at present only exploring the fringes.

Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago.

Fashion advice from the Tooth Fairy, that's great.

[W]ithout humour you cannot run a sweetie-shop, let alone a nation.

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.