Funny Quotes - Page 331

It's so much easier to sit home and not exercise and criticize other people. What I love is inspiring people. People come up to me and say, 'I want to have two kids and wear a bathing suit and not feel terrible about myself. I see how hard you work and it makes me feel like I can do that too.'

I really don't like drunk women; I think it is such a bad look. I think it's very inappropriate and I don't like it. I don't really have drunk friends.

We've got a wood-burning pizza oven in the garden - a luxury, I know, but it's one of the best investments I've ever made.

Every time I have a bikini wax, Cameron Diaz holds me down.

I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'

We don't want wars even when we win.

When I graduated from Santa Monica High in 1927, I was voted the girl most likely to succeed. I didn't realize it would take so long.

Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women.

Stevie Wonder always smells so good... I'm like a DEA dog, I can smell people a block away!

Celebrity is death - celebrity - that's the worst thing that can happen to an actor.

Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.

You know, albums are a funny thing. They're not like an intellectual decision. It's a collection of your kind of musings. Like it's a collection of your diary entries and you pick which one's gonna make the most sense together and you put out a record and you sort of live it.

Our civilization has decided that determining the guilt or innocence of men is a thing too important to be trusted to trained men. When it wants a library catalogued, or the solar system discovered, or any trifle of that kind, it uses up its specialists. But when it wishes anything done which is really serious, it collects twelve of the ordinary men standing round. The same thing was done, if I remember right, by the Founder of Christianity.

Your next-door neighbor is not a man; he is an environment. He is the barking of a dog; he is the noise of a piano; he is a dispute about a party wall; he is drains that are worse than yours, or roses that are better than yours.

I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves this session.

This is unparalyzed in the state's history.

No sex is better than bad sex.

This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right.

I think war is a dangerous place.

If you don't stand for anything, you don't stand for anything!