Funny Quotes - Page 306

The great thing about taking big chances when you're younger is you have less to lose, and you don't know as much. So you take big swings.

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.

On how to make the game more exciting - Eliminate the referees, raise the basket four feet, double the size of the basketball, limit the height of the players to 5 feet 9 inches, bring back the centre jump, allow taxi drivers in for free and allow the players to carry guns.

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing.

Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'

I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins.

It was pretty good. Even the music was nice.

Congratulstions on breaking my record. I always thought the record would stand until it was broken.

Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself.

If people don't want to come out to the ball park, nobody's gonna stop 'em.

When asked what would he do if he found $1 million, Yogi responded, If the guy was poor, I'd give it back.

I feel that life is short, so we should be disciplined, but at the same time we should have a good time.

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.

What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?

At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.

My best training came from my father.

Don't argue about the difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves.

I feel my best when I'm happy.