Funny Quotes - Page 303

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

I stand by all the misstatements that I've made

The U.S. victory in Gulf War was a stirring victory for the forces of aggression.

Being a decathlete is like having ten girlfriends. You have to love them all, and you can't afford losing one.

Every time we had a raid, I'd get a boyfriend out of it.

I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

Heaven begat Virtue in me; what can man do unto me?

There is good government when those who are near are made happy, and when those who are afar are attracted.

Worry not that no one knows you; seek to be worth knowing.

There is the love of knowing without the love of learning; the beclouding here leads to dissipation of mind.

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.

Virtue is not solitary; it is bound to have neighbors

This year's Olympics will be replacing the women's beach volleyball bikinis with uniforms that are less revealing. The stricter dress code was made to appease the conservative nation of 'Buzzkillistan.'

And if it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true. In this life, I was loved by you.

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.

Can I wear your blazer?

Muhammad Ali: Superman Don't need no seat belt. Flight Attendant: Superman Don't need no airplane, either.

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself.

Opera is like a husband with a foreign title: expensive to support, hard to understand, and therefore a supreme social challenge.

If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.

I think Chris Rock at the Oscars was a great example. I thought that was intellectually hilarious. The Gap starts a war with Banana Republic... That to me was funny.

That's my fun time so, to me, doing my homework, studying on what I do, watching the movies, listening to music, all that inspires me so I focus a lot on that and practice

I always wanted to have my own album released before I graduated from high school.