Funny Quotes - Page 294

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights

Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder.

In the spirit of the Olympic Games, they traditionally ask that all fighting and warfare around the world stop. So, there's hope for a ceasefire within the Jackson family.

Ask him what time it is and he'll tell you how the watch was made.

The funny thing about facing imminent death is that it really snaps everything else into perspective.

Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.

A cynic is just a man who found out when he was ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset.

I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.

Every animal leaves traces of what it was; man alone leaves traces of what he created.

It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die you don't have to lift a finger.

... Variety and the Hollywood Reporter, two publications read more faithfully in Hollywood than the Koran is in Mecca.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put on an orgy in my office and I wouldn't look up. Well, maybe once.

From my close observation of writers... they fall into two groups: 1) those who bleed copiously and visibly at any bad review, and 2) those who bleed copiously and secretly at any bad review.

A few years ago we colonised this place with some of our finest felons, thieves, muggers, alcoholics and prostitutes, a strain of depravity which I believe has contributed greatly to this country's amazing vigour and enterprise.

You cannot hope to bribe or twist, thank God! The British journalist. But seeing what the man will do unbribed, there's no occasion to!

South Sea natives who have been exposed to American movies classify them into two types, 'kiss-kiss' and 'bang-bang.

First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint the second time.

But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Pffft, English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

I grew up on the beach and played side-out scoring all my life, but rally scoring is better for our sport. There is pressure on every play. You can't make a mistake, but that also means your opponent can't make a mistake. It makes the matches more exciting to watch.

Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue.

An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.

Even though I didn't get a business degree, I enjoyed learning about economics.