It was a sobering experience.
We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
Even when I'm being funny, I'm deadly serious.
That's where depression hits you most - your home life. It doesn't affect your work. I can't do this zany, wacky, funny thing any more. I haven't been like that for a long time.
There are two things that won't last long in this world, and that's dogs chasing cars and pros putting for pars.
I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.
You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.
If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.
It can't be any simpler: the farewell is going to be on the Champs-Elysees.
Future generations will look back on TV as the lead in the water pipes that slowly drove the Romans mad.
The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.
Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.
I'm all for anybody having a party who wants that. The funny thing about me and birthdays or any kind of celebration where it brings attention to you in that way is that it's never been anything that I've thoroughly enjoyed - even as a little kid.
I mean, I went to a Catholic boys school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me.
I'm like a fatter version of Amy Winehouse and a skinnier version of Lily Allen.
I have actually five honorary degrees.
She lies about her age and weight and is slightly older than Rocket. But they've been a couple for eight years, longer than most in Hollywood.
People have been asking me if I was going to have kids, and I had puppies instead.
Small gestures can have a big impact.
It's funny, but we were living on this small island off the coast of Charleston, South Carolina when I was 9.
To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it.
It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.
As soon as you are trying to be funny or dramatic, that's when things start feeling fake and boring.
