Funny Quotes - Page 214

I'm not an easy person to love. There are lots of times when I'm a very good boyfriend, but there are times when I'm useless. I mean, I'm a mess around the house. I talk nonstop. I become obsessed with things.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage, or of principle.

He who keeps danger in mind, is he who will rest safe in his seat; he who keeps ruin in mind, is he who will preserve his interests secure.

If you don't know how to live, why wonder about death?

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.

This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country.

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn't hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in.

Fitness - if it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body.

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.

Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This happens to be something that I have a real problem with: homeless people with pets who approach you for food when they have a perfectly delicious dog standing right there?

Speaking as a black person, welfare is the worst thing that's ever happened to us.

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

Silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish.

The mistakes of the fool are known to the world, but not to himself. The mistakes of the wise man are known to himself, but not to the world.

I want you to say dreadfully mad, funny things and make up songs and be--' The Will I fell in love with, she almost said. "And be Will," she finished instead. "Or I shall hit you with my umbrella." *** "You would make a very ugly woman." "I would not. I would be stunning." Tessa laughed. “There,” she said. “There is Will. Isn’t that better? Don’t you think so?” “I don’t know,” Will said, eyeing her. “I’m afraid to answer that. I’ve heard that when I speak, it makes American women wish to strike me with umbrellas.

You're the strangest person I ever met, she said & I said you too & we decided we'd know each other a long time.

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.

Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow - if Moscow has one.

Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.