Humor Quotes - Page 143

If you are writing about baloney, don't try and make it Cornish hen, because that's the worst kind of baloney there is. Just make it darn good baloney.

For the qualities of sheer wit and humor, Swift had no superior, ancient or modern.

There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse.

I'm in favor of it as long as it's multiple choice.

I've always chosen my band members based on their sense of humor. It might sound stupid, but it means not only are they fun to live with on a tour bus for years, but humor implies intelligence.

The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

Don't quit your day jobs, boys, but always keep your sense of humor.

It seems that Canada's historic mission is to come to the selfless aid both of its friends and of complete strangers, and then, once the crisis is over, to be well and truly ignored. Canada is the perpetual wallflower that stands on the edge of the hall, waiting for someone to come and ask her for a dance.

My family has been amazing, and they understand how blessed I am. They've been able to keep my sense of humor.

Dumb dog. I bought a dog whistle. He won't use it.

You have to maintain who you are as a person and stay true to yourself - that's my biggest moral as a human being, as well as a very self-deprecating sense of humor.

Ask the young. They know everything.

Men naturally warm and heady are transported with the greatest flush of good-nature.

A footman may swear; but he cannot swear like a lord. He can swear as often: but can he swear with equal delicacy, propriety, and judgment?

Appeasement, said Winston Churchill, consists of being nice to a crocodile in the hope that he will eat you last. At the moment, the biggest crocodile in the world is Microsoft, and everybody is busy sucking up to it.

I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is.

Sing of the nature of women, and then the song shall be surely full of variety; old crotchets and most sweet closes. It shall be humorous, grave, fantastic, amorous, melancholy, sprightly, one in all, and all in one.

Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all.

It's impossible to ravish me, I'm so willing.

Successful crimes alone are justified.

Sense of humor is so much more subjective than anyone believes.

I'm struck by how laughter connects you with people. It's almost impossible to maintain any kind of distance or any sense of social hierarchy when you're just howling with laughter. Laughter is a force for democracy.

[W]ithout humour you cannot run a sweetie-shop, let alone a nation.

Good-humor is always a success.