Humor Quotes - Page 142

The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.

The true and lasting genius of humour does not drag you thus to boxes labelled 'pathos,' 'humour,' and show you all the mechanism of the inimitable puppets that are going to perform. How I used to laugh at Simon Tapperwit, and the Wellers, and a host more! But I can't do it now somehow; and time, it seems to me, is the true test of humour. It must be antiseptic.

The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work.

... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.

What is it that strikes a spark of humor from a man? It is the effort to throw off, to fight back the burden of grief that is laid on each one of us. In youth we don't feel it, but as we grow to manhood we find the burden on our shoulders. Humor? It is nature's effort to harmonize conditions. The further the pendulum swings out over woe the further it is bound to swing back over mirth.

It's very hard to write humor.

Writing is not for me. I completely lose my sense of humor when I write. I become extremely pathetic, very sensational. Images give me possibilities that I don't have with words.

I went out to dinner with a Marine last weekend. He looked across the table and he goes, "I could kill you in seven seconds." I go, "I'll just have toast, then."

Comedy is obviously a matter of personal taste and the world always needs a clown and some people have no taste at all and any clown will do.

The bile makes it better. I am an information wasting machine - 100s of words a day.

When you actually meet the devil and he offers you a deal most artists eventually negotiate.

God doesn't seem to talk to people like he used to. Who's he talking to now? I don't know. Then I'm walking down the street in Manhattan one day, and I realize maybe it's those guys you see walking down the street talking to themselves. You know, those guys that are like, 'I can't! No, I can't!' Maybe the other side of that conversation is God going, 'You're the new leader.' 'No I can't!' They're not crazy - they're reluctant prophets.

I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world.

I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.

Be comfortable with who you are', reads the headline on the Hush Puppies poster. Are they mad? If people were comfortable with who they were, they'd never buy any products except the ones they needed, and then where would the advertising industry be?

I like the English. They have the most rigid code if immorality in the world.

Salt is like good-humor, and nearly every thing is better for a pinch of it.

Charlie Chaplin's genius was in comedy. He has no sense of humor, particularly about himself.

The guys in my band are great-we watch movies, we eat pizza, take walks, read books. Everybody has a really great sense of humor. And my boyfriend comes and visits me on the road.

Probably it is impossible for humor to be ever a revolutionary weapon. Candide can do little more than generate irony.

I've had a very laughable career and what has seen me through is my sense of humor.

I distrust all dead and mechanical formulas for expressing anything connected with human affairs and human personalities. Putting human affairs in exact formulas shows in itself a lack of the sense of humor and therefore a lack of wisdom.

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.

They've gotta stop reporting wind chill. That's nonsense. It really is. I don't know where they came up with it, why they came up with it, but it's a lie. They come on, "Well, it's 27 degrees today, but with the wind chill, it's minus 3." Well, then it's minus 3, asshole! I don't need to know what the weather was like if the conditions were perfect!