Funny Quotes - Page 388

Roosevelt could always keep ahead with his work, but I cannot do it, and I know it is a grievous fault, but it is too late to remedy it. The country must take me as it found me. Wasn't it your mother who had a servant girl who said it was no use for her to try to hurry, that she was a "Sunday chil" and no "Sunday chil" could hurry? I don't think I am a Sunday child, but I ought to have been; then I would have had an excuse for always being late.

Humour is the making others act or talk absurdly and unconsciously; wit is the pointing out and ridiculing that absurdity consciously, and with more or less ill-nature.

The fleet being thus more inclosed will more readily observe the signals, and with greater facility form itself into the line of battle a circumstance which should be kept in view in every order of sailing.

The cure for moving too fast is just to slow down.

Every man plays the fool once in his live, but to marry is playing the fool all one's life long.

It was the love of love, the love of swallows up all else, a grateful love, a love of natural, of people, of animals, a love ingengering gentleness and goodness that moved meand that I saw in you

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't driving around on a bus and having a campfire kind of adding to the environment problem?

Just because the kid's cute, doesn't mean you're not the father.

The only man you will ever get is some fool named Grady who falls asleep in his soup.

Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.

Every Harvard class should have one Democrat to rescue it from oblivion.

Alexander Hamilton originated the put and take system in our national treasury: the taxpayers put it in, and the politicians take it out

Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely

I received $100 per week when I started working at the Globe after graduation.

Hurry up and learn patience.

I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.

I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

Whether you have a show or not, you can still be somewhere being funny.

The mathematician who after seeing Phedre asked: 'Qu'est que ca prouve?' was not such a fool as he has been generally made out. No one has ever been able to explain why the Doric temple of Paestum is more beautiful than a glass of cold beer except by bringing in considerations that have nothing to do with beauty.

When she liked anyone it was quite natural for her to go to bed with him. She never thought twice about it. It was not vice; it wasn't lasciviousness; it was her nature. She gave herself as naturally as the sun gives heat or the flowers their perfume. It was a pleasure to her and she liked to give pleasure to others.

The Americans, who are the most efficient people on the earth, have carried [phrase-making] to such a height of perfection and have invented so wide a range of pithy and hackneyed phrases that they can carry on an amusing and animated conversation without giving a moment’s reflection to what they are saying and so leave their minds free to consider the more important matters of big business and fornication.

Men and animals regard each other across a gulf of mutual incomprehension.

After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.