Funny Quotes - Page 378

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

He [Chris Martin] can't have background music on. It has to be 100 percent of his attention. But if he isn't at home, I turn on the hip-hop. I'm like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?

All geniuses die young.

Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill.

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Time for Tolerance,Equality, and Acceptance, It's allways TEA time with my Friends.

All writers should be put in a box and thrown in the sea.

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

Japan suffered terribly from the atomic bomb but never adopted a pose of moral superiority, implying: 'We would never have done it!' The Japanese know perfectly well they would have used it had they had it. They accept the idea that war is war; they give no quarter and accept none. Total war, they recognize, knows no Queensberry Rules. If you develop a devastating new weapon during a total war, you use it; you do not put it into the War Museum.

The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.'

One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.

It is good to have some friends both in heaven and hell.

I didn't notice him coming, but he didn't seem to be looking for an autograph signature

The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around.

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.