Funny Quotes - Page 377

When Guante started, they thought he'd be like popcorn, one of the most popular things around.

You can either take it as a way to motivate yourself or be happy with what you've got.

I'm doing what I love, and then I get months and months of rest. I have a lot of money for a 21-year-old. I can't stand it when actors complain.

Well, at least I had on underwear

Life is funny. Life isn’t categorized into comedy, drama, action, is it?So I don’t know why they try to categorize everything. It drives me crazy-why it would have to be just a romantic comedy or…I want to have a little integrity, a little story, you know

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

Everything comes to us from others. To Be is to belong to someone.

Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.

No guy in the history of America has ordered a Smirnoff Ice at a bar without hating himself a little.

A friendship counting nearly forty years is the finest kind of shade-tree I know.

The only non-believer I encountered was Oscar Levant who wouldn't visit Disneyland because he said he had his own hallucinations.

Here's a six-foot-ten guy in sneakers and the lady's asking me, 'Profession?'

I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.

I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring.

If I had blood, I'd blush.

How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"