Funny Quotes - Page 375

Afraid of death? Not at all. Be a great relief. Then I wouldn't have to talk to you.

Man who stands on toilet, gets high on pot!

At some point, some insect has had sex with a leaf.

Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, I think I've got the hang of it.

Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good.

I'm hunting for little Mexican girls.

'Cause if your love was all I had in this life, well that would be enough until the end of time. So rest your weary heart and relax your mind, 'Cause I'm gonna love you, girl, until the end of time.

Throw all caution to the wind, today, on your 40th No need to have wisdom and sage But tomorrow, as you start your 5th decade Do try to act more your age

So OK, it's your special big Four-O birthday But don't expect me to be obsequious and fawning You, being you, can't possibly be a good example So do try, at least, to serve as a warning

As it's your 40th birthday This, we'd like to say May you be bathed in goodness, happiness and sunshineness On this, your special day.

Real frontier-busting math explores new worlds . . . . If you can communicate that experience, somewhere between math and uncertainty, life experience provides the balance.

He might want to watch where he lands when tackling that guy, because he could really hurt his hand if it gets stepped on.

When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to.

They'll score if they can just get into the endzone.

I can't see that it's wrong to give him a little legal experience before he goes out to practice law.

Offering Dragons quarter is no good, they regrow all their parts and come on again. They have to be killed.

Busy yourselves with this, you damned walruses, while the rest of use proceed with the libretto.

To be creative and spontaneous, you have to live with imperfection.

When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much.

Children are gleeful barbarians.

The people from 'The State' are close friends, but also some of the most incredibly funny people I know.

Selling wine is all about sizing people up, and it takes a certain amount of chutzpah. The tableside bottle sell is a very funny thing - you take a look at the guy's blazer, what kind of shoes he's wearing, what kind of broad he's with. Is he trying to be a hero?

Loyalty was a funny thing. So was love. They both bit you when you least expected it.

Who do I like? I am a big fan of French and Saunders - not that that they are particularly stand-up I have to say, but I think they have been great for women and they are of themselves just incredibly funny whether they are male or female.

The funny thing is, I don't actually think of myself as fat at all. I don't think I am. Not really.