Funny Quotes - Page 343

I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five.

Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cause you were too close, kissing his!

To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god.

I'm more financially successful, but it just means the shopping blunders I make are bigger now.

I think egg boiling is the hardest thing I've ever done, but I can make a tiramisu anytime you want.

Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers; we get Aquatruck.

That sounds terrific, thought Cary, just you, your comatose wife your shell-shocked son, and your daughter who hates your guts. Not to mention that your two kids may be in love with each other. Yeah, that sounds like a perfect family reunion.

In a funny way, poems are suited to modern life. They're short, they're intense. Nobody has time to read a 700-page book. People read magazines, and a poem takes less time than an article.

Hate is funny. Love isn't. Love can kill you. Hate can keep you alive.

The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract.

If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?

It's so funny how my name has always been such a big deal. When I was growing up, my family was always moving. I had to meet new people all the time. And they'd laugh.

It is a very funny thing that the sleepier you are, the longer you take about getting to bed.

You can't eat your friends and have them too

Justin Timberlake is everything, and what more could you want in a person? He's funny. He's cute. He's great. He just understands. I get him and he gets me, and that's cool.

I find it so funny that people find me so interesting.

I played varsity on all of them for four years. I'm 5'9 and that's not that tall for a center so I was a forward. I loved playing volleyball and basketball and track I was good at, but it stressed me out.

I think the most horrible name for a crime has to be manslaughter. ... "I slaughtered a man! Just like a pig! Put him on a spit and put an apple in his mouth!"

I used to believe my father about everything but then I had children myself & now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy.

Dad, one of my first memories is of sharing my worry with you about the space shuttle poking holes in the atmosphere and letting out all of Earth's air.

At least is was a victory and at least we won

I got my start in silent radio.

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.

I never took the game home with me. I always left it in some bar.

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.