Funny Quotes - Page 341

The humor is essentially dark for a cartoon and sophisticated. But at the same time, being a cartoon gives the writers more freedom than in a normal sitcom. It always pushes the line that, despite human failings, the Simpsons are really decent people.

When I lost my decathlon world record I took it like a man. I only cried for ten hours.

If you're considered a beauty, it's hard to be accepted doing anything but standing around.

The funny thing about these uniforms is that you hang them in the closet and they get smaller and smaller.

I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one.

It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals.

I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.

Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.

Equestrian and sailing are sports for people growing up on the mean streets of Connecticut.

They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best.

If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

It 's the time of year when Canadians mate.

I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

When a doting person gets down on all fours and plays with a puppy's rubber mouse, for instance, it only confuses the young dog and gives him a sense of insecurity. He gets the impression that his world is unstable, and wonders whether he is expected to walk on his hind legs and learn to smoke cigars.

People with virtue must speak out; People who speak are not all virtuous.

The virtuous will be sure to speak uprightly; but those whose speech is upright may not be virtuous.

We take greater pains to persuade others that we are happy than in endeavoring to think so ourselves

Ceremonies are the first thing to be attended to in the practice of government.

Even in killing men, observe the rules of propriety.

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me.

The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, "I don't need a pardon. I need a job.'

In Italy, for the same price as a typical British hamburger meal including sweet, a builder's labourer could eat like a king - rather better in fact, because pasta dishes gain from being kept simple.