Funny Quotes - Page 316

Allen's Law of Civilization: It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.

I never wanted to go on stage alone because if you mess up, who can you blame?

For students today, only 10 percent of children from working-class families graduate from college by the age of 24 as compared to 58 percent of upper-middle-class and wealthy families.

If your cat falls out of a tree, go indoors to laugh.

It is one thing to go on stage and be funny or be in a good place in your career, but for a woman, actually facing the elements in a physical way is a very powerful thing.

it's a funny thing about Hollywood. Once you've been out here awhile, it's hard to go someplace else, and it gets harder the longer you stay here. Takes some real propulsion to make you leave.

If I like it, I say it's mine. If I don't I say it's a fake.

In Washington journalists can afford to live almost as well as people who work for a living.

I can think of a number of areas in New York where three acres of nuclear waste would make the neighborhood safer to walk around in than it is now, and better lit.

Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."

The typical old-fashioned diet (in the nineteenth century) was so bad it almost assembled modern dieting.

East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory.

Taxi drivers all over the world, by the way, are under Newspaper Guild contract to give easy quotes to foreign correspondents.

Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically.

Australia is not very exclusive. On the visa application they still ask if you've been convicted of a felony - although they are willing to give you a visa even if you haven't been.

Journalists aren't supposed to praise things. It's a violation of work rules almost as serious as buying drinks with our own money or absolving the CIA of something.

If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb.

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.

If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir.

Liberals have a quaint and touching faith that truth is on their side and an even quainter faith that journalists are on the side of truth.

America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you've got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags.

She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.

Really, if the lower orders don't set a good example, what on earth is the use of them?

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance.