Funny Quotes - Page 312

Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.

Let's bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue.

I don't care if it doesn't make a nickel. I just want every man, woman, and child in America to see it.

Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.

Don't improve it into a flop!

Modern dancing is old fashioned.

I paid too much for it, but it's worth it.

I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.

"Yes, but that's our strongest weak point."

You've got to take the sour with the bitter.

A lawyer's dream of heaven: every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.

Dublin university contains the cream of Ireland: Rich and thick.

The only duration of family life that satisfies the loftiest longings of the human soul is forever.

I used to binge-eat and make myself throw up. I was a fat kid. Obviously I didn't quite master the bulimia.

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!'

He's one fry short of a Happy Meal.

It is always a temptation to a rich and lazy nation, To puff and look important and to say:- 'Though we know we should defeat you, we have not the time to meet you, We will therefore pay you cash to go away.'

Our record number of teenagers must become our record number of high school and college graduates and our record number of teachers, scientists, doctors, lawyers, and skilled professionals.

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther.

Growing and decaying vegetation in this land are responsible for 93 percent of the oxides of nitrogen.

I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary.

One way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be to let the government run it.

I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left-winger in the Premiership, but there are none better.

The first rule of baseball is to get a good ball to hit.