Funny Quotes - Page 299

Watch me closely - only one can spoil it.

Something went wrong. It was correct when I studied it.

Why do you always insist on playing while I'm trying to conduct?

We went through all the scenes and they became kind of funny and they expanded a little bit and because it seemed to be working so well in the movie, they added a couple of things later on in the movie and that's how it turned out.

If your result needs a statistician then you should design a better experiment.

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.

Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.

For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.

Intolerance is the ''Do Not Touch'' sign on something that cannot bear touching. We do not mind having our hair ruffled, but we will not tolerate any familiarity with the toupee which covers our baldness.

Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself - and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure.

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

Yes, he is not unused to playing in midfield, but at the same time he's not used to playing there either.

You know, I don't know if you know this about me or not, but I'm kind of a big deal.

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.

I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.

I would recommend to those persons who are inclined to stagnate, whose blood is beginning to thicken sluggishly in their veins, to try keeping four dogs, two of which are puppies.

I've always wanted to be a spy, and frankly I'm a little surprised that British intelligence has never approached me.

Old age has deformities enough of its own. It should never add to them the deformity of vice.

Pessimist: One who has been intimately acquainted with an Optimist.