Funny Quotes - Page 269

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.

It’s all about one split-second. Boxing is a funny thing…you blink your eyes and somebody says ‘Goodnight’ to you.

If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.

Of course there are certain things that get to me, but I try and lead by example and show people that, especially with haters, that you should just ignore them.

The clever men of Oxford, know all that there is to be knowed but they none of them know one half as much as intelligent Mr. Toad.

My best friend growing up really put the bug in my ear about acting. We created this one hour-and-a-half improv play when we were 10 or 11 and performed it at the library. We just played off each other so well and had the best time doing it and the funniest part was, we wound up having packed houses, other people loved it too.

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

I have no time for the endless nostalgia: 'Oh gosh I used to . . . ' Life is too short; I don't have any time for sitting and saying I miss things. What's the point? Go and do something else.'

I enjoy cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food I'm cooking.

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

Advice is like castor oil — easy enough to give but dreadful hard to take.

The hair of his face, on the contrary, carroty and flaming, resembled a growth of copper wire clipped short to the line of the lip; while, no matter how close he shaved, fiery metallic gleams passed, when he moved his head, over the surface of his cheeks.

It's a funny thing with documentary films - you want them to feel as entertaining and as gripping as a fictional film. With a fictional film you want it to feel as realistic as a documentary film.

That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material.

To say that war is madness is like saying that sex is madness: true enough, from the standpoint of a stateless eunuch, but merely a provocative epigram for those who must make their arrangements in the world as given.

If you lose your best cornerback and punter, I'd say that's a double loss.

Playing in this nice weather really makes me remember all the times I got stung by a bee.

'Tis a good thing to laugh at any rate; and if a straw can tickle a man, it is an instrument of happiness.

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

If you don't run your own life, somebody else will.

If a man writes a book, let him set down only what he knows. I have guesses enough of my own.

The song tells me what to play.

Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.