Funny Quotes - Page 265

I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.

No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.

The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years.

On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.

We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.

It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously

I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.

Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

I firmly believe that if the whole material medica, as now used, could be sunk to the bottom of the sea, it would be better for mankind-and all the worse for the fishes.

I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan.

The English laws punish vice; the Chinese laws do more, they reward virtue.

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.

Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this performance is apt to mark the end of their capacities. They can't even attend to the elementary animal requirements of their offspring. It is quite surprising how many children survive in spite of their mothers.

We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys

You ask my advice about acting? Speak clearly, don't bump into the furniture and if you must have motivation, think of your pay packet on Friday.

It's like this, dear boy, the one in front is blind and the kind one behind is pushing him.

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.

Society is composed of two great classes, those that have more dinners than appetite, and those who have more appetite than dinners.

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

The French complain of everything, and always.

Come around, feel the sound. Know you make my heart pound. Fill me up, bring me down; when I hear your sound.

Jean Alesi is 4th and 5th.