Funny Quotes - Page 230

How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?

If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.

I'd love to date somebody cool, fun, funny.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.

You can't put a price tag on preparation for a pandemic.

Mr. Speaker. I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honorable member may place the punctuation where he pleases.

All diseases run into one, old age.

Funny thing about Americans. They are the first to adopt weird lifestyles and radical views but they are the most conservative race on earth.

The movement of life has its rest in its own music.

Rappers on their sophomores...actin' like they boss lords. Fame's such a funny thing for sure when niggas start believing all those encores.

If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

You're only as old as you feel.

Experience is a funny thing. You dont always have it when you need it.

Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

One of the reporters must have flunked journalism school because he asked a question that went straight to the point.

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

So little time and so little to do.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.

I am not going to say I told you so, but I did.

Gentlemen, we are being killed on the beaches. Lets go inland and be killed.

Insanity destroys reason, but not wit.