Funny Quotes - Page 229

It's hard enough to find an error in your code when you're looking for it; it's even harder when you've assumed your code is error-free.

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

A woman who would steal your love when your love was really all you had to give was not much of a woman.

Never lie when the truth is more profitable.

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.

The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.

Tell them to stand closer apart.

"In France," Marcel said with wintry dignity, "accidents occur in the bedroom, not the kitchen."

I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb.

I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.

The funny thing about sustainability is you gotta sustain it.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable.

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

But even if we take matrimony at its lowest, even if we regard it as no more than a sort of friendship recognised by the police, there must be degrees in the freedom and sympathy realised, and some principle to guide simple folk in their selection.

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.

As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, "You ask a lot of questions for someone who has so much explaining to do"

A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?