Funny Quotes - Page 222

Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing?

May this continent, the last explored by humankind, be the first one to be spared by humankind.

Randy and I were goggle-eyed as we gazed over the wonders of what Walt Disney had wrought. It was a magnificent demonstration of what God could do if He had more imagination.

Well, I certainly don't," said Percy sanctimoniously. "I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days." "Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?" said Fred. "That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway!" said Percy, going very red in the face. "It was nothing personal!" "It was," Fred whispered to Harry as they got up from the table. "We sent it.

Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!

He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.

This is night, Diddykins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this.

I don't believe in the kind of magic in my books. But I do believe something very magical can happen when you read a good book.

The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny.

I do not use airplanes. They strike me as unsporting. You can have an automobile accident-and survive. You can be on a sinking ship-and survive. You can be in an earthquake, fire, volcanic eruption, tornado, what you will-and survive. But if your plane crashes, you do not survive. And I say the heck with it.

There is an element of truth in every idea that lasts long enough to be called corny.

A great way to learn about your country is to leave it.

When I consider that the noble animals have been exterminated here - the cougar, panther, lynx, wolverine, wolf, bear, moose, deer, the beaver, the turkey, etc, etc - I cannot but feel as I lived in a tamed, and, as it were, emasculated country.

Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.

When a person with money meets a person with experience, the person with the experience winds up with the money and the person with the money winds up with the experience.

Few girls are as well shaped as a good horse.

Dolphins : Animals that are so intelligent that, within a few weeks of captivity, they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them food three times a day.

In the main, there are two sorts of books: those that no one reads and those that no one ought to read.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.