Fun Quotes - Page 165

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

I have never met one person who likes Grand Funk.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Too often, the opportunity knocks, but by the time you push back the chain, push back the bolt, unhook the two locks and shut off the burglar alarm, it's too late.

You should bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. It doesn't matter what that is. It doesn't matter if it's a table or a film or gardening-everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say 'I did that.'

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

If we must lose wife or husband when we live to our highest right, we lose an unhappy marriage as well, and we gain ourselves. But if a marriage is born between two already self-discovered, what a lovely adventure begins, hurricanes and all.

The object of knowledge is what exists and its function to know about reality.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again.

Ah hell. We had more fun in a week than those weenies had in a lifetime.

Once, I was at a party...This was at a time when it seemed like I had everything. I was young. I was undefeated. I had money. I`d just moved into my own home. People at the party were laughing and having fun. And I missed my mother. I felt so lonely. I remember asking myself, `Why isn`t my mother here? Why are all these people around me? I don`t want these people around me.' I looked out the window and started crying.

A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.

Respect your haters. They're the only ones who think you're better than them.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.

There is no escaping from ourselves. The human dilemma is as it has always been, and we solve nothing fundamental by cloaking ourselves in technological glory.

Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce. In summer, we work hard to make a tidy garden, bordered by pansies with rows or clumps of columbine, petunias, bleeding hearts. Then we find ourselves longing for the forest, where everything has the appearance of disorder; yet we feel peaceful there.

And the first three cars are all Escorts, which isn't surprising as this is an all Escort race.

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail!

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Pepperidge Farm bread. That's fancy bread. You can tell it's fancy because it's wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn't open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need another step between me and toast.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

I'm legitimately having more fun doing music, but at the same time I worked my whole life for baseball. If I had to pick, I would probably pick music. I just connect more with the fact that other people connect with that I'm doing so much. It's a much cooler thing than being good at sports.

The work itself is the reward, and if I choose challenging work, it'll pay me back with interest. At least I'll be interested, even if nobody else is.

Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.' Never forget this message when working with people.