Humor Quotes - Page 151

Innovation is hard to schedule.

It is quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humor, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance.

If you're considered a beauty, it's hard to be accepted doing anything but standing around.

Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.

If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

It 's the time of year when Canadians mate.

I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

I laugh almost everyday. I have a good sense of humor, so I'm always finding something funny.

If you don't go to other men's funerals, they won't go to yours.

The stupider the regime the more intelligent the people get and the more humorous.

They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I'm a rip-off of Eddie Murphy.

I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'

You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.

It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be.

I think a sense of humor is a very personal thing, and I don't know if I am talented enough to do romantic comedies.

I have no further use for America. I wouldn't go back there if Jesus Christ was President.

We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.

There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets.

I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.