Humor Quotes - Page 152

Investigation?" Isabelle laughed. "Now we're detectives? Maybe we should all have code names." "Good idea," said Jace. "I shall be Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein.

The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me.

I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy?

My rapier wit hides my inner pain.

The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.

If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?

I'd probably be better off without trying to satisfy me, with my sense of humor. There are things that I have said that are funny to me, but they weren't to somebody in the press. So that hasn't worked to my benefit.

I got my start in silent radio.

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.

It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "

I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.

I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

Right now I feel that I've got my feet on the ground as far as my head is concerned.

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the Oscar.

All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.

What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.

At bank, post office or supermarket, there is one universal law which you ignore at your own peril: the shortest line moves the slowest.

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions

Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day." Yeah, looks like he rushed it.