Funny Quotes - Page 367

It's this funny thing now: You sign up to be a musician because you want to write music, but you don't spend your time writing music. Instead, you go around the world selling the music you've already made.

I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."

I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!

On why he no longer went to Ruggeri's, a St. Louis restaurant: "Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded."

Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.

To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.

Dead birds don't fall out of their nests.

Humour is the describing the ludicrous as it is in itself; wit is the exposing it, by comparing or contrasting it with something else. Humour is, as it were, the growth of nature and accident; wit is the product of art and fancy.

Poor soul - very sad; her late husband, you know, a very sad death - eaten by missionaries - poor soul.

I'm not so much interested in the return ON my money as I am in the return OF my money.

I don't know if I was a funny kid. I would say I was a loud and weird kid.

As you set off into the world, don't be afraid to question your leaders. But don't ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.

I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you.

Once (Stan) Musial timed your fastball, your infielders were in jeopardy.

In my youth I hoped to do great things; now I shall be satisfied to get through without scandal.

You can't just let nature run wild.

My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

We have to thank God for this retirement.

This is going to sound really funny. I have a poster of Zac Efron on my wall! I think every girl has a poster of him in their room so, why not join the club!

Billy Tauzin is one of the most interesting people in Washington. He is smart, funny, and interesting.

If Diane Modahl was 40 times over the testosterone limit she'd have a deep voice and we'd all be calling her Barry White.

And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.

I'm a Leo. Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff.