Funny Quotes - Page 321

I played Little League and in high school. I played more over the years whenever there was a pick-up game... usually softball.

Sometimes people get mad at The Simpsons' subversive story telling, but there's another message in there, which is a celebration of making wild, funny stories.

The French are funny, sex is funny, and comedies are funny, yet no French sex comedies are funny.

What is time to a water rat? What is time to the river? Only we humans obsess over days and minutes, hours and seasons.

Be patient with your boaters and let them rant. Most of them will get over it come December.

One takes what the river offers, both good and bad. The joy of living by running water far outweighs the sorrow.

Students and invited speakers do not shed their constitutional rights when they step up to the graduation podium. Expressing faith in God does not disqualify a student from delivering a graduation message. Being designated as valedictorian or salutatorian is an honor, and students chosen for that honor should be free to share their gratitude to God with their fellow students and family members.

She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it.

Steve Kerr, now coaching Golden State after eight tumultuous and very inconsistent years at TNT.

Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble.

If you want him to mourn, you had best leave him nothing.

Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter.

I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but will all my heart. To me an opera is the very climax & cap-stone of the absurd, the fantastic the unjustifiable. I hate the very name of opera - partly because of the nights of suffering I have endured in its presence, & partly because I want to love it and can't.

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.

I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.

Why do I do it? Because I enjoy its effects. You know, I - why does anybody use any mind-altering substance, you know, because they like the way it makes them feel.

The funny thing about the boy who gave away his loaves and fish is that he, too, ended the day with a full stomach.

The new moron in town is Chad Ford of ESPN.com.

We have learned to take life seriously, but never ourselves.