Funny Quotes - Page 279

What I mean by that is that the point of life, as I see it, is not to write books or scale mountains or sail oceans, but to achieve happiness, and preferably an unselfish happiness.

Life is short and if you're looking for extension, you had best do well. 'Cause there's good deeds and then there's good intentions. They are as far apart as Heaven and Hell.

I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you know?

A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters.

A relentless focus on the outward markers of success can lead to complacency. It can make you lazy.

The greatest luxury of riches is that they enable you to escape so much good advice.

He has only half learned the art of reading who has not added to it the more refined art of skipping and skimming.

On the way up here to the podium, a gentleman came up to me and said, "Governor, you are as good a politician as you were an actor." What a cheap shot.

All wrong doing is done in the sincere belief that it is the best thing to do.

You can find tea in a tea cup.. but cannot find world in a world cup.

Every rascal is not a thief, but every thief is a rascal.

Lost time is like a run in a stocking. It always gets worse.

I am beautiful, famous and gorgeous.

An open marriage is nature's way of telling you that you need a divorce.

One might feel that, at my age, I should look on life with more gravity. After all, I've been privileged to listen, firsthand, tosome of the most profound thinkers of my daywho were all beset by gloom over the condition the world had gotten into. Then why can't I view it with anything but amusement?

Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

I think a lot of times we don't pay enough attention to people with a positive attitude because we assume they are naive or stupid or unschooled.

That is a good book which is opened with expectation, and closed with delight and profit.

Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

We enact many laws that manufacture criminals, and then a few that punish them.

We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow. Our wiser sons, no doubt will think us so.

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.