Fun Quotes - Page 257

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

Sometimes I... No, I don't.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.

To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.

The formal Washington dinner party has all the spontaneity of a Japanese imperial funeral.

Necessity is the mother of invention. I love solving things like that. Because there wasn't enough memory, thinking of an economical way to make the movements look right was like solving a puzzle, and I had a lot of fun.

The way to overcome the angry man is with gentleness, the evil man goodness, the miser with generosity, and the liar with truth. (Indian proverb) It sounds good, doesn’t it? If only people and life were that effing easy. Trust me, it takes more than a friendly biscuit to tame a hungry lion. And it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it’s war. (Savitar)

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

Currently we don't have plans on conquering the world.

Mutual funds were created to make investing easy, so consumers wouldn't have to be burdened with picking individual stocks.

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

Since so many people these days don't seem to start their families until around age forty, I predict there will be less child beating, but more slipped disks from lifting babies out of cribs. Even the father of advanced age who's not inclined to spare the rod is likely to suffer more than his victim: The first punch he throws might well be the last straw for his rotator cuff, reducing his disciplinary options to mere verbal abuse and napping.

Baking is how you start kids at cooking in the kitchen. It's fun whether it's baking bread or cookies. With baking, you have to be exact when it comes to ingredients.

No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned... a man in a jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company.

All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.

Sex is not a sin. Many people have complained that this is taking all the fun out of sex.

When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just know there'd be headlines of 'Russell How-hard' in the newspapers.

A book may be compared to your neighbor: if it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it too early.