Fun Quotes - Page 258

If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, coast for a while, and then have a hell of a close.

I know at last what distinguishes man from animals; financial worries.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.

My father taught me a good lesson: Don't get to low when things go wrong. And don't get too high when things are good.

I have resolved that from this day on, I will do all the business I can honestly, have all the fun I can reasonably, do all the good I can willingly, and save my digestion by thinking pleasantly.

There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling

I've found out why people laugh. They laugh because it hurts- because it's the only thing that'll make it stop hurting... I had been told that a 'funny' thing is a thing of goodness. It isn't... The goodness is in the laughing. I grok it is a bravery- and a sharing- against pain and sorrow and defeat.

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

I do like to have fun. I don't need alcohol to have fun.

I like big escapist films. It's odd because the type of comedian I am and the things I do when I'm writing and directing myself usually deal with the darker side of the human psyche and excruciating social faux pas. I often deal in taboos and the subjects I do as a stand-up are quite challenging. But my film roles have been much more fun and escapist.

Off stage it's cool-out time. You can't funk and roll ALL the time.

So far as we know, all the fundamental laws of physics, like Newton's equations, are reversible.

I have no physical genius about me. I cant dribble a ball and run at the same time, I cant do lay-ups - Im not an athlete. But my experience as a kid was, I was made fun of so much that what I did then, is, I wouldnt participate. And I think I cheated myself out of a lot of fun.

I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong.

True love is unconditional. And if it is a 'Conditions Apply' scenari, then it isn't true love. It is as good as a mutual fund.

There's a good case to be made that having fun is a key evolutionary advantage right next to opposable thumbs in terms of importance. Without that little chemical twist in our brains that makes us enjoy learning new things, we might be more like the sharks and ants of the world.

Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.