Fun Quotes - Page 246

People associate long hair with drug use. I wish people associated long hair with something other than drug use, like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long haired guy and say, "That guy eats cake!" "He is on bundt cake!" Mothers saying to their daughters, "Don't bring the cake eater over here anymore. He smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"

This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard. The mailman will get shot, the envelope will not seal, the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. The final payment must be made in wampum.

Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone is all scared. "Tom's gone!" "Is he a magician?" "No." "Then let's print up some flyers!"

Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out.

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

We always think of a diet with a big groan. But I think diets are fun. I think it is an American pastime for a lot of women.

The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever.

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

Unfortunately, sometimes you can't have fun accomplishing your goals. Sometimes people don't have the determination, the will, the steadfastness, the tenacity, they give in under the slightest struggle.

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

Beer may cause you to digress - and lead a happier life.

I have a lot more fun making comedies because there's a levity on the set, and I find it difficult to go to work and, you know, cry for 12 hours.

Politics is something similar to the lower physiological functions, with the unpleasant difference that political functions are unavoidably carried out in public.

Part of the fun of being alive is knowing that you're annoying the hell out of someone else.

Working hard becomes a habit, a serious kind of fun.

I'm my worst critic, and I like the fact that I can listen to myself now and make fun of myself, listen, make changes - 'Oh, man, that's messed up. Okay, I need to work on that; I need to work on this.'

I have so much fun on stage that I should have to pay to get in.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

One of our fundamental spiritual problems is this: we want God to do something new while we keep doing the same old thing.

It's great to arrive, but the trip's most always most of the fun.