Fun Quotes - Page 226

You better take care of me Lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.

There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.

I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, "Which way do I go?" But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"

In love, somehow, a man's heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place.

Equity, dignity, happiness, sustainability - these are all fundamental to our lives but absent in the GDP.

There is such a cool vibe in Nashville. It is has the excitement of a big city, but also has this amazing small town feel. I have definitely come to call it my home, and have my favorite go-to spots. But most of all it's the people. The southern charm, and hospitality. And some great shopping never hurts. As fun as Music City is during the day, the real magic happens at night ... The lights, the energy, the music, how could you not love this town?

I collect spores, molds, and fungus.

A thing in itself never expresses anything. It is the relation between things that gives meaning to them and that formulates a thought. A thought functions only as a fragmentary part in the formulation of an idea.

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

I have everything I had twenty years ago, only it's all a little bit lower.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

I order that my funeral ceremonies be extremely modest, and that they take place at dawn or at the evening Ave Maria, without song or music.

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.

The phrase 'domestic cat' is an oxymoron.

When words fail, the guitar speaks.

I asked many friends if Australian anti-intellectualism was still a living force and they all told me it was. If you are above average intelligence, hide this embarrassing fact.

I'm always surprised that I'm still around funk and that people are still into it.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.

The fundamental problem with program maintenance is that fixing a defect has a substantial (20-50 percent) chance of introducing another. So the whole process is two steps forward and one step back.