Fun Quotes - Page 209

They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.

Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something.

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

Everyone wants charities to spend as little as possible on overhead. That's backwards. Overhead is what drives growth. If charities can't grow, they can't solve problems. So overhead is a good thing. And I'm overhead.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Do not seek death. Death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.

Seriously, the Olympic badminton players were apparently trying to lose on purpose, a big story. But really, think about it, if you train day and night for four years to be in the Olympics for badminton, in a way, haven't you already lost?

Everyone thinks their whole life should be at least as much fun as masturbation.

My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

A human being: an ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

Drumming is not worrying about what you can't do. It's about having fun with what you can do.

Yeah, I had it all mapped out actually. Seriously. I wrote it down. I said, 'When I'm the head coach of the Eagles, I'm going to make sure I get that guy on my team.' And then guy next to me was like, 'You're only the offensive coordinator at New Hampshire.' I said, 'Don't worry about it. Minor details. But it's going to work.'

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

To a young heart everything is fun.

I don't believe you should make fun of anyone but yourself.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Know your numbers' is a fundamental precept of business.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by 'survival of the fittest.'

An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.