Fun Quotes - Page 211

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.

There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.

Use of a mentally ill person's involuntary confession is antithetical to the notion of fundamental fairness embodied in the due process clause.

The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use.

Our favorite holding period is forever.

By periodically investing in an index fund, the know-nothing investors can actually outperform most investment professionals.

The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill.

Writing enters into us when it gives us information about ourselves we are in need of *at the time that we are reading.* How obvious the thought seems once it has been articulated! As with love, politics, or friendship: readiness is all.

The Internet gives you access to a lot of material, and it's fun to sit and read. I go to something like Wikipedia and look at different topics... I find the subject fascinating. I like to read about concepts and mathematicians.

On hitting a shaken opponent - His legs turned to spaghetti and I was all over him like the sauce.

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.

Modern houses are so small we've had to train our dog to wag its tail up and down and not sideways.

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now - to quote myself at my most pretentious - is a nimiety of scurrility with a concomitant exiguity of taste.

The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

What a nice night for an evening.

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

When your hobbies get in the way of your work - that's OK; but when your hobbies get in the way of themselves... well.

It's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, 'cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

Romance isn't just about roses or killing dragons or sailing a kayak around the world. It's also about chocolate chip cookies and sharing The Grateful Dead and James Taylor with me in the middle of the night, and believing me when I say that you could be bigger than both of them put together, and not making fun of me for straightening out my french fries or pointing my shoelaces in the same direction, and letting me pout when I don't get my own way, and pretending that if I play "Flower Drum Song" one more time you won't throw me and the record out the window