Fun Quotes - Page 201

I've certainly never taken the care of myself that I should have. On the contrary. I've done a lot of late nights without enough sleep and all that. But I've had fun. Whatever wrinkles are there, I've enjoyed getting them.

So what are we supposed to do again, when we hate everything? You stop pretending life is such fun or makes sense. It's often messy and cruel and dull, and we do the best we can. It's unfair, and jerks seem to win. But you fall in love with a few people. Like I love you, Elizabeth. You're the angel God sent me.

I've always said that in politics, your enemies can't hurt you, but your friends will kill you.

He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. He that dare not is a slave.

Men know everything - all of them - all the time - no matter how stupid or inexperienced or arrogant or ignorant they are.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

I don't think about what other people expect or anything. I mean, I sit and worrying so much about what I'M thinking, I'd go NUTS if I sat around worrying about other people.

I have never made fun of religion. Religion is something I don't even want to mess with, because I am really afraid of the clouds opening up and my being struck by lightning.

I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.

That lad must have been born offside.

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.

Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.

I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5' 7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

Waylon Jennings and I had a lot of fun recording together.