Fun Quotes - Page 173

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.

I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.

It's fun to work the robotic arm in part because it's really a team effort.

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.

If painting weren't so difficult, it wouldn't be fun.

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.

(Scottish Terriers) have all the compactness of a small dog and all the valor of a big one. And they are so exceedingly sturdy that it is proverbial that the only thing fatal to them is being run over by an automobile - in which case the car itself knows it has been in a fight.

If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump his behind every time he hopped.

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.

Kissing babies and hugging fat girls.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

I'm sorry, was that homophobic? No--I think it was, 'cause I hear that a lot. Dave, What?, You're talking about being gay. You probably secretly are gay. And I'm like listen voice in my head, I'm not! HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT? HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT? I know I wouldn't like it, other scarier voice in my head! 'Cause one time while making a sandwich, a cucumber went up my ass. Three times.

Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings.

I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.

Nature was here a series of wonders, and a fund of delight.

Let's make math fun and sexy and glamorous. Smart is sexy, that's one of my main messages.

Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough money to cover losses due to mismanagement.

It takes a lot to be Dabo Swinney, and not everyone can live this lifestyle. But, boy is it fun.

Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame.

Work is either fun or drudgery. It depends on your attitude. I like fun.