Humor Quotes - Page 112

Housework is like bad sex. Every time I do it I swear I will never do it again. Until the next time company comes.

Playing on stereotypes was meant to be humorous. If it doesn't tickle you in certain spots, it's not going to be funny. Falling down the stairs is a seriously dangerous thing, but watching it is HILARIOUS!

People who can’t see without glasses should wear them.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

In closing, the greatest threat to peace on this earth is the arrogance of a super-power [America] that is out of control.

I abhor averages. I like the individual case. A man may have six meals one day and none the next, making an average of three meals per day, but that is not a good way to live.

It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again!

Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?

You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.

You can always tell somebody's sense of humor by if they like this movie or not.

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.

The clever men of Oxford, know all that there is to be knowed but they none of them know one half as much as intelligent Mr. Toad.

Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.

Men are happy to be laughed at for their humor, but not for their folly.

I have wit in my work and a sense of humor, but I do not use irony in any way

One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is an extremely uneven writer, but when He's good, nobody can touch Him.

Experimental music scores are enigmatic, opaque, demanding, irritating, humorous, childlike; the best, like Cardew's Treatise, are also inspiring, giving rise, on occasion, to a music of vitality, intelligence and elegance.

Joe Barbera's s always complaining that he can't get humor into cartoons anymore. Just do it. You've got your money. Why do they let the networks run their lives?

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

'Tis a good thing to laugh at any rate; and if a straw can tickle a man, it is an instrument of happiness.

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

I think we're all born with a sense of humor. Creativity is another thing though.

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

We're wanted men, we'll strike again, but first let's have a beer.